Finally things have settled down . . . . the school year is finished, the office has been packed and moved, I've unpacked and settled into my temporary space at the high school and feel like I can finally focus on life and trying to figure out what we're going to do.
Here's what we've learned so far.
Bulgaria -- If we choose to go to Bulgaria we would have to complete paperwork but not nearly as much as we did for Kazakhstan. Once our dossier is submitted to Bulgaria we wait for a referral based on a "wish list - ie. ethnic, age, handicaps, etc" -- we would go to visit the child they find for us for about 5 days. After our visit we come home and wait 12-16 weeks for the paperwork to be completed in Bulgaria and than go back to pick up the child. One parent can travel -- it is not necessary for both. If we would decide that the child they chose for us would not fit into our family (after the first visit) our name would then be put back into the referral pile and we would return home and wait until they found another child for us. They do not show you different children when you are there.
Fostering -- There are many children available to foster in the US -- we would have to redo everything we have done so far, plus attend many hours of classes. We can give some specifics for children we would hope to foster . . . . children are required to be with you for at least 6 months before they can be adopted (if they are available), parents here hold a lot of power as to if the child will ever become available. While talking with the social worker we learned that the children in the age range we would like are often in and out of the system several times before the parental rights are terminated -- she said this can be a challenge because the children are often angry by the time they get to this point. . . .
Please, what are your thoughts? What do you know, how do you feel? Is there another option we haven't thought of? We need/want to make an informed decision . . .
Along the same line of asking for your help how should this type of comment be handled? Most everyone we know has been incredibly supportive but there have been some people who have expressed different feelings to us. One person told us that they feel it was best that we came home without a child, another was relieved it went the way it did. I would like to believe that they mean well but I have no idea how to respond to these comments -- I was at a loss for words. The feelings we have for Vika are real, she is/was our daughter . . . how can it be okay that she didn't come home with us???
As I said before we really believe that bringing a child into our family is the right decision -- just figuring out how to do it is the hard part. Again, any insights, stories, help you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
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3 comments:
Cheryl,
I've been thinking about you a lot lately, wondering how you guys are doing. It's weird not seeing you every day. Sorry to say, I'm not missing it though... missing you, yes, but not work at all. :) I'm lovin' being home with the kiddos. If only I could slow the time down though..it's flying by waaay too quickly!
As far as input and advice, I think you know my thoughts already. I think Hailee would love to have a sister. We know that God always has a plan, even if we don't understand it. I think, if there's any way you can get "her" here, go for it! I know there's lots of obstacles and that it's very expensive, so you definitely have to weigh all of your options. But, knowing you, Jack, Hailee, and the rest of the family, if anyone can overcome challenges and obstacles, it's you guys!!
As far as how to deal with rude & insensitive comments, I'd say DON'T deal with them at all. It's really nobody else's business and they really shouldn't be sharing thoughts like that in the first place. You & Jack are truly wonderful people & parents and you should go for your dreams...what you want for your family. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says!!
Thinking of you often!!
Having grown up with a foster brother, I became totally attached to "Tommy." So when he was adopted after being with us for 5 years, I was devastated. Tommy was a special needs child and was five when he left our family, so it's not the same situation as fostering a teenager. Are you thinking about fostering to adopt?
Does the Bulgaria program work the same way as the Kazakh program? Can you bond with a child and then at the last minute a relative can step forward and change everything? Is Bulgaria your only other international option?
This is so hard, but I know you want it badly or else you wouldn't be exploring so many options. I pray that your answer become clearer.
As for the naysayers, I'd say that's their problem. You've got a lot of love to give and there's a special little girl out there who's going to soak it all up.
Keep the faith!
I wrote a bunch and I lost it somehow, Cheryl, I hope the people/person that is making those statements is ither an elder who does not quite understand all this or someone who cares about you so much they think they are doing good and tryin to make you feel better and is not going about it the right way, I can't image anyone saying this on purpose. I had one person do this to me and it turned out she was the olny person that was adopted, actually she was in her 60's, still is, and was in foster care her entire life and never adopted, I think this is why she was hard on me. Either way only you and your family know what is right for you, follow your heart, lets face is none of us would have our wonderful children if we truly thought of all the dangers and things that could have happened over seas, so glad I didn't think too logically for the first time so. Oh and even bio children birth, does this come with questions, concerns?? Anyway go for it!!!! Kathy
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