Picking up the Pieces

The bags are unpacked and life is beginning again. It was good to see most of the family and collect all those much needed hugs. We enjoyed catching up with everyone's lives and to talk about many of the details of our journey that couldn't really be blogged. Although this does a lot to brighten the spirits there is still a sadness that seems to hang on to my heart.

On the way home from Amsterdam Jack mentioned that I should go to Seattle and see Jonathan, Amanda and Hayden -- we checked airfare and found a great price so that's where I am right now. It's been five months since we've seen each other -- much too long. Hayden has grown so much, is rolling over now and smiles constantly. There's nothing in the world better than holding a baby in your arms and kissing their soft hair ......... it will be hard to leave on Thursday but knowing they will be coming to Wisconsin in July helps.

Hailee had her first day back to school today and she said it went well. She was excited to see her teachers and classmates and enjoyed handing out the candy she had picked out from Kazakhstan. Jack was also back to work -- saying it felt as if he'd never left. Is that good or bad?

I thought that I would let you know that we have asked our agency what other options we have now. Our paperwork is complete and both Jack and I feel that maybe there's a child waiting somewhere else for us. We can't let go of the feeling that the Lord wouldn't have put everything into place with the adoption just to slam the door on us.

Someone very close to me said that maybe we were meant to travel back to Kazakhstan for a reason -- maybe it wasn't to bring a child home, but maybe it was for Hailee. A trip to allow her to experience her country, meet people who knew her when she was young, see first-hand what it means to live in Kazakhstan. That's a possibility. If that was the Lord's intention we feel Hailee has learned a lot from the trip. We beleive that she understands what her life would have been like. We also believe that Michalna, Yulia and Natalya helped her to understand that they believe she was born under a lucky star, as they say -- she was meant to be a part of our family. Perhaps there is another child out there that was born under that same lucky star . . . . perhaps we still have to find them ............... if that's the truth how can we give up trying?